What better way to welcome 2023 than to wave a not-so-fond goodbye to 2022. And once again, MAGA losers did their dystopian best to do their very worst. Before you will yourself to forget it all, let’s see how much you still remember. The answers are at the bottom, but no fair Googling!
1. Trump still thinks that white people get a raw deal in America. Which of these lies did he actually spew in ’22?
a) “If you’re white, your vote gets suppressed in big cities where bad things happen”
b) “If you’re white, you have to go to the back of the line” to get a Covid vaccination in New York State
c) “If you’re white, you’re a second class citizen in weak blue states with lots of migrant losers”
d) “If you’re white, you get critical race theory shoved down your throat very strongly” in woke school districts
2. The Republican National Committee passed a resolution declaring that the Jan. 6 insurrection was merely…
a) “a tourist visit that unfortunately had some regrettable misbehavior”
b) “a robust exercise of First Amendment rights enshrined in our Constitution”
c) “ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse”
d) “a false flag scheme by Antifa to smear brave forgotten Americans”
3. We learned this year that Trump was a tad lax in preserving his White House notes and documents. In fact, some of the time…
a) he hid them in his couch cushions
b) he sprinkled their shredded remains on the White House lawn
c) he shared them with white supremacists at state dinners
d) he flushed them down the toilet
4. We learned, from newly released texts, that when Ginni Thomas fumed to Trump aide Mark Meadows that Joe Biden should be jailed at Guantanamo, Meadows replied:
a) “Yes, we’re happy to look into that”
b) “Yes, that has been prophesied in the Bible”
c) “Evil always looks like the victor until the King of King triumphs”
d) “God bless you, Ginni, but get a grip”
5. Marjorie Taylor Greene called President Biden…
a) “a mentally incompetent feckless dementia-ridden piece of crap”
b) “a feckless fossil who doesn’t know what day it is”
c) “a drooling old puppet controlled by George Soros”
d) “a decrepit old crow zapped by Jewish space lasers”
6. True or false: The annual Conservative Political Action Conference was held this year in authoritarian Hungary and featured an Hungarian political pundit who’s on record referring to Jews as “stinking excrement.”
7. One of this year’s losing MAGA candidates campaigned on a promise: “We’re going to take our state back. My God will make it so.” Name the correct loser.
a) Kari Lake in Arizona
b) Herschel Walker in Georgia
c) Lee Zeldin in New York
d) Doug Mastriano in Pennsylvania
8. During the Jan. 6 committee hearings, White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson testified that she saw Trump shatter a bottle of ketchup against his dining room wall. What did she do then?
a) she grabbed a towel and helped clean up the mess
b) she reported the ketchup tantrum to Meadows, who said “What else is new?”
c) she brought the president a fresh bottle of ketchup
d) she retreated to the ladies’ room to calm her nerves
e) she went to her desk and updated her resume
9. During the Jan. 6 hearings, we learned that Trump frantically phoned Senate allies while all hell was breaking loose at the Capitol. One of his calls went to Alabama’s Tommy Tuberville, the ex-pigskin coach, who told the president:
a) “Sir, it’s fourth and 20 on our own goal line, but I will block for you til time runs out.”
b) “For you, the embodiment of a living God, it’s always first and 10.”
c) “I promise til Kingdom Come that I will not abandon my post.”
d) “I’m going to hang up on you. I’ve got to leave.”
10. During the Jan. 6 hearings, we also learned that Trump ordered his Justice Department to try all kinds of strategies to overturn the ’20 election. Which of these quotes did he NOT utter?
a) “Why don’t you guys seize the machines?”
b) “Why don’t you guys look into Hunter Biden for stealing my votes?”
c) “You guys may not be following the Internet the way I do”
d) “Just say the election was corrupt, and leave the rest to me”
e) He said all of the above
11. In 2016, Trump said that taking the Fifth is “horrible, horrible…You see the mob take the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth?” But this year, in New York’s successful civil case against the Trump Organization, he took the Fifth 400 times – 250 times more than mobster…
a) Sam Giancana
b) Frank Costello
c) Junior Soprano
d) Vito Genovese
e) Vito Corleone
12. Ex-attorney general Bill Barr told the Jan. 6 committee that one particular Trump rant about the ’20 election was “absolute rubbish.” Which fake claim did Trump really try to float?
a) vote totals in Philadelphia were higher than the number of voters registered in Philadelphia
b) crime levels in Philadelphia prevented “people who love me” from casting ballots in Philadelphia
c) dead black people in Philadelphia voted for Biden “in numbers you wouldn’t believe” in Philadelphia
d) bad things happen in Philadelphia when “not the best people” are lured to the polls with promises of free welfare benefits in Philadelphia
13. According to the Jan. 6 committee, while the Trumpers were plotting to overthrow the election, what did Mark Meadows do an estimated one dozen times?
a) he repeatedly laughed off warnings of imminent Capitol violence
b) he burned documents in a White House fireplace
c) he sent shredded documents to the National Archives
d) he repeatedly texted God for help finding 11,000 votes in Georgia
14. After Trump was caught red-handed in Mar-a-Lago with stolen classified documents, including nuclear secrets, he insisted that…
a) he’d taken nothing; the stuff was all planted by the FBI
b) he had taken it, not the FBI – but he did nothing wrong
c) if maybe what he did was wrong, then Obama did it too
d) if maybe what he did was wrong, then Clinton did it too
e) all of the above
15. True or false: Randy Kaufman, an Arizona Republican campaigning as a family-values conservative, was caught by the cops masturbating in a public park to a photo of Kari Lake.
16. Pick the only thing that Hershel Walker did NOT say:
a) “That woman that said I was daddy to her baby, she was like a vampire. But a werwolf like me not ever got to hook up with no vampire”
b) “At one time, science said man came from apes. If that is not true, why are there still apes?”
c) “Our good air decided to float over to China’s bad air, so when China gets our good air, their bad air got to move”
d) “Keep having those gas guzzling cars, ‘cause we got the good emissions under those cars.”
17. True or false: In the December runoff, more than 1.7 million people voted for Herschel Walker.
18. Last spring, the U.S. Supreme Court’s right-wing majority erased Roe v. Wade, which had been law of the land for 49 years and reaffirmed several times. Match the correct Roe-hater with his or her’s Senate confirmation promise to respect legal precedent.
I- Sam Alito
II- Neil Gorsuch
III- Bret Kavanaugh
IV- Amy Coney Barrett
a) “I don’t have an agenda to try to overrule” Roe
b) “(Roe) is an important precedent of the Supreme Court…precedent on precedent”
c) “Roe v. Wade is an important precedent of the U.S. Supreme Court…That strengthens its value”
d) “A good judge will consider (Roe) as precedent of the U.S. Supreme Court, worthy of treatment as precedent.”
19. George Santos, the olympian liar (who claimed, among other things, that his mother died in the terrorist attack on 9/11/01, when in truth she died in 2016) will soon become a House Republican. But when he tried to defend himself this week on cable TV, a hostile host asked him, “Do you have no shame? Do you have no shame?” Name the host’s network.
a) MSNBC
b) Fox News
c) CNN
d) CNBC
20. True or false: Trump will be criminally indicted in 2023.
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ANSWERS
1(b) 2(c) 3(d) 4(c) 5(a) 6–True 7(d) 8(a) 9(d) 10(b) 11(d) 12(a) 13(b) 14(e) 15-False. Kaufman was caught masturbating in his car parked at a pre-school 16(a) 17-True 18 (I-c, II-d, III-c, IV-a) 19(b) 20–Who the hell knows.