“Yo, MAGA braniacs! I have a question for youse. A new national poll, released this week, shows that President Biden has opened up a six-point lead over Trump – mainly because women loathe your idol. The gender gap is akin to a chasm. Trump is getting hammered; 58 percent of women favor Biden, only 36 percent go with your guy. It’s easy to see why. Most women are loathe to support an unrepentant rapist who has defamed his victim and brags that he made history by hiring Supreme Court justices who erased women’s reproductive rights. So here’s my question: How do you propose to mend fences with women voters?”
“Simple. By launching a holy war against Taylor Swift.”
“Wait, what? She’s probably the most popular woman in America and on the face of the planet. She lives in red Tennessee. She’s a white self-made billionaire who has succeeded via hard work, which is what Republicans always preach about. So I don’t understand your…what’s the best word for it…logic.”
“We’re not familiar with that. Is that a liberal gotcha word?”
“Let me offer a stark character contrast: She’s a good person who gives back to the American community. She has donated countless millions to food banks, sexual assault programs, disaster relief, various GoFundMe appeals, cancer charities, AIDS charities (just to highlight a few), plus she has distributed more than $55 million in bonuses to all members of her tour crew. By contrast, your guy is a bad person whose charitable foundation was shut down by the courts five years ago after New York’s attorney general discovered ‘a shocking pattern of illegality.’ He even took $10,000 in charity money to pay for a six-foot portrait of himself. See the problem? You still think it’s smart to attack Tay Tay?”
“We don’t thumb-suck, we attack. One of our Newsmax patriots is already on the case. He went on the air the other day and said that Swift’s snowflakes are ‘elevating her to an idol. Idolatry. This is a little bit of what idolatry, I think, looks like. And you’re not supposed to do that. In fact, if you look it up in the Bible, it’s a sin!’ Take that, Swifties! MAGA!”
“Isn’t that a nutty observation, given the fact that so many Trump fans equate him with Jesus or claim that he has been blessed by Jesus? Don’t bother answering, I know it’s futile for me to ask. More importantly, you guys seem determined to attack Taylor’s bond with her fan base. Are you not aware that her combined following on Facebook, Instagram, and X is 450,000,000? And that one single Instagram message last September, on National Voter Registration Day, prompted 30,000 people to sign up?”
“Is that what the fake news says? President Trump is more popular than that girl. Because He says so.”
“Surely you’re aware that Taylor is particularly popular with young people. Another new national poll says that, among likely voters under age 30, Biden is currently beating Trump by 24 points. However, the same poll reports that voting enthusiasm among the under-30s is way down from four years ago. So, my final question: Aren’t you concerned that if you push a holy war against Taylor, you’ll piss off young people who might otherwise not bother to vote – and that Trump will pay the price?”
“MAGA!”
“Your cheerleaders in Trump media certainly seem worried. Terrified, in fact. On the air this week, various hosts have urged her to ‘think twice’ about getting involved in the ’24 election. One of them said, ‘We’re all begging you.’ On Fox News, Jeanine Pirro said, ‘Don’t get involved in politics! We don’t want to see you there!'”
“Exactly right. By divine right, the only celebrity who should get involved in politics is the former host of Celebrity Apprentice.”
“OK, knock yourselves out. I suspect we’ll hear from Taylor at some point. She knows what you guys are all about and she won’t let it pass. She remembers you, all too well.”